today i had my day off (off work, i mean), and again, it was a crappy day, where i made no advances in my stupid zine project thing... like in almost every day off i have, i use it to go shopping at the supermarket for stuff i need, like food, groceries stuff and hygiene products etc etc. but today felt like i wasted all my time around doing the shopping..and sleeping.
to be honest, i slept until around 2pm, though it's not like i went to bed very late last night. i went at an usual hour, and i actually was feeling terribly sleepy after i'd been writing on my journal. i forced myself to keep awake just to finish reading a couple of zines, to continue reading a few pages on others and even to start reading a new one! it's a bit obsessive, i know...
i guess i was feeling a little bit frenzy last night because i had to grab my notebook and start writing fast, just a couple of minutes after i went to my bedroom, shortly after arriving home from work. i hadn't written in a few days and was starting to feel like i had a lot of stuff inside my mind that needed to come out, and even maybe vent some stuff about work and life in general...
it seems that writing is a good thing for my (poor) mental health; it seems to ease my mind & heart and clear my brains a bit, which can do wonders after a days/nights' work. of course, i know writing doesn't solve anything, it's not like it can make miracles and the next morning i'll wake up, go to work and everything will go wonderfully. writing doesn't make the bad things go away, it doesn't give my any more hope or happy feelings than eating great ice cream or some chocolate. sounds silly when i put it this way, but it's true.
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anyway, today seemed like a total waste of time and energy around doing the same shitty stuff i do every day off, being that today i didn't make ANYTHING at all for the zine (i really can't remember anything i might have done). well, maybe writing this crappy blog post with "updates" on my project could count as one thing? i dunno... blahh.
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it's bedtime now, tomorrow i start the first of 4 days working on the morning shift, after working the night shift for most of the past days, so it's gonna screw up my bio clock, but, who cares?...
day 1 - i'll be alone, my co-worker has his day off
day 2 - alone until around 3.30pm, when my co-worker comes in, but there's a football game up at the stadium, so it's a useless day cause there are very few costumers
day 3 - alone, it's my co-workers' sunday off day
day 4 - alone again, somehow, the person who makes our work schedules managed to give another day off in a row to my co-worker [i'm not envious or anything like that, it's just that that kind of stuff screws up our schedules and can lead to some pending and confusing orders]
at least i have those magic anxiety pills, one half every morning and i'll be doing fine ( i wished it was easier said than done!), not so much stress or worries about not finishing orders on time or having clients ask for their orders done in unrealistic time. or one of the things i hate most: having clients come at the counter just as soon as the store opens the doors; sometimes i'm still arriving with the cash box and the computer is running slow or being awkward and they are all in a hurry to get attended, like they're in the hospital emergency room or some sh*t like that... ««---- see, this is me, ranting on about my job. there you go, some lovely writings from moi-même. just a bunch of crap, isn't it?
Friday, October 16, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
last night / today
last night i tried to watch a movie in my new laptop for the first time. had to get DivX because neither windows media player or winamp had video codecs for that, so it a look a bit longer to set up my own little movie theater.
then i wasn't sure of what to watch, because i got so many dvds burned with movies i never get time to watch and even dvds i bought, but then i deadiced on «Mirror Mask». it's a beautiful and amazing movie, specially when it comes to graphics and special effects. for all of you that know and like Dave McKean's dazzling illustrations, then you CAN'T skip seeing this movie!
today i'm on my day off, but still i had to get up early because i needed to phone my workmate and give him a few messages i couldn't write down yesterday at work. i had a light breakfast, called the store and it didn't take us more than 10 minutes of talking and then i went back to bed for some more rest... it was raining outside. so finally, autumn has settled in. and it's been raining all day long and although it's not exactly cold it's all grey and gloomy. it's almost 7.30 pm and right now its pouring rain outside.
it's been quite a depressive weather. and this in my day off, imagine that. just to think that the grey and rainy days are gonna continue through the rest of the week and i'll be at work, looking out the big glass doors/windows into the grey and watch the rain fall outside. then coming the night it will be too chilly to feel motivated to work and by the time they close the store my nose will have frozen. this is all very encouraging, no doubt about it!...
after lunch i came to my bedroom to decide on how i was gonna continue organizing/cleaning my clutter (to get a little space for setting up my laptop permanently) and where to start first and felt like i had no strengths to do anything when i looked out the window curtains and it was all grey outside. i had to decide between cleaning up or going to the living-room/office and drag myself to my desktop pc. i still hadn't answered emails or messaged back at all the nice people who sent me their lovely zines. as usual, i procrastinate. a lot...
then i wasn't sure of what to watch, because i got so many dvds burned with movies i never get time to watch and even dvds i bought, but then i deadiced on «Mirror Mask». it's a beautiful and amazing movie, specially when it comes to graphics and special effects. for all of you that know and like Dave McKean's dazzling illustrations, then you CAN'T skip seeing this movie!
today i'm on my day off, but still i had to get up early because i needed to phone my workmate and give him a few messages i couldn't write down yesterday at work. i had a light breakfast, called the store and it didn't take us more than 10 minutes of talking and then i went back to bed for some more rest... it was raining outside. so finally, autumn has settled in. and it's been raining all day long and although it's not exactly cold it's all grey and gloomy. it's almost 7.30 pm and right now its pouring rain outside.
it's been quite a depressive weather. and this in my day off, imagine that. just to think that the grey and rainy days are gonna continue through the rest of the week and i'll be at work, looking out the big glass doors/windows into the grey and watch the rain fall outside. then coming the night it will be too chilly to feel motivated to work and by the time they close the store my nose will have frozen. this is all very encouraging, no doubt about it!...
after lunch i came to my bedroom to decide on how i was gonna continue organizing/cleaning my clutter (to get a little space for setting up my laptop permanently) and where to start first and felt like i had no strengths to do anything when i looked out the window curtains and it was all grey outside. i had to decide between cleaning up or going to the living-room/office and drag myself to my desktop pc. i still hadn't answered emails or messaged back at all the nice people who sent me their lovely zines. as usual, i procrastinate. a lot...
Your horoscope for...
Your horoscope for October 5, 2009
Nothing seems to be clicking for you the way you want, C. Your rational mind tells you that everything is in place, things are fine, and that you have a green light to go ahead with all of your plans. There is a small voice inside you, however, that is suggesting otherwise. Perhaps you have an inkling that your plan is flawed in some way. Perhaps you are trying to ignore a certain pain in your heart by keeping it a secret from others, when in reality, you need to let it out to the world.
Your horoscope for October 4, 2009
Today heralds the beginning of a very agreeable period. Your ego will be especially happy, C! You will be project confidence, clarity, and influence wherever you go. You used up a lot of your reserves during the last few months, so you've made it to this stage just in the nick of time.
Your horoscope for October 3, 2009
You may be finding it hard to sit still today, C. People may be pulling your chain right and left in order to get some sort of rise out of you. That which seems grounded and solid may end up being flimsy and detached. Beware of the rocks you step on. They are apt to give way with very little warning. Your overall appetite may be ravenous, but more than likely, there will not be nearly enough nourishment to satiate you.
Your horoscope for October 2, 2009
You may feel a bit unclear about your professional direction today, C. Without warning, your motivation has disappeared. What happened? It may be that you need to become involved in projects that have more universal resonance. Projects concerning only your interests, or are of a narrow scope no longer hold your attention.
Your horoscope for October 1, 2009
As much as you try to explain things to others, C, they are simply not going to see them with the same amount of intensity and do-or-die urgency as you do. Be careful that you don't contrive a series of far-out hyperbolic stories that are only a partial reflection of the truth. Make sure the picture you paint is an accurate one, or else others are apt to lose faith in your judgment.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
autumn gray skies
another day of work... another day of worries.
maybe it's the autumn grey sky in the end of the afternoons, maybe it's the cold weather coming in, i dunno... but i'm starting to feel a bit down. even when i'm at home. right now i was trying to distract myself with some online mahjong and was almost falling asleep in front of the laptop. i must've been looking pretty silly!
i got emails to answer, "thank yous" to give for zines & personal notes i got in the mailbox.
i keep delaying going to the print shop to try out some photocopies of artwork and images for my zine. i keep delaying this and the writings/transcribe.
i hate when i get ideas in my mind that would be good to write down and develop more (into essays or rants) but i'm always in the wrong place and/or at the wrong time most of the times it happens - in the bathroom, while changing into my pajamas, while i'm eating, while i'm brushing my teeth, and sometimes at work, but at least there i get to scribble some things down on little bits of paper.
i'm always waiting for my next day off work to do things. to continues the cleaning up in my bedroom so i can take the laptop there and set up a little corner to write and stuff...
everyday i feel the need to write more and more in my journal to vent the sh*tloads of idiocy that happen at work... but i'm always too tired or too busy or out of time or... i'm reading somebody else's zine that just arrived in the mail this week. i feel good reading other people's stuff, many times i can identify with them or with some of the experiences they write about and it feels comforting. when i don't relate to it, it's another experience to learn about, to try to view the world and life from somebody else's perspective, and i like that. either way, it's a positive thing to read zines!
my job keeps draining my energy and the few good things i still have(?) inside of me; it leaves me numb but at the same time i'm fully aware of this, of the bad things it "gives" me and that's so contradictory, isn't it? what the hell has this to do with the zine stuff i just wrote before?, you're probably asking... it has a lot to do with zines, with my zine. it has a lot to do with wanting to make a zine, to "escape" my everyday mundane and frustrating job/life by distracting myself with some creative let out, as i've been feeling this need to create for months now. and unfortunately, my job it was keeps me from advancing into making the zine, because i lack the time i would like to have and many times the motivation to work some more, to force my eyes on yet another computer screen and my brain into solving problems with grammar and text construction and layout design etc etc.
maybe it's the autumn grey sky in the end of the afternoons, maybe it's the cold weather coming in, i dunno... but i'm starting to feel a bit down. even when i'm at home. right now i was trying to distract myself with some online mahjong and was almost falling asleep in front of the laptop. i must've been looking pretty silly!
i got emails to answer, "thank yous" to give for zines & personal notes i got in the mailbox.
i keep delaying going to the print shop to try out some photocopies of artwork and images for my zine. i keep delaying this and the writings/transcribe.
i hate when i get ideas in my mind that would be good to write down and develop more (into essays or rants) but i'm always in the wrong place and/or at the wrong time most of the times it happens - in the bathroom, while changing into my pajamas, while i'm eating, while i'm brushing my teeth, and sometimes at work, but at least there i get to scribble some things down on little bits of paper.
i'm always waiting for my next day off work to do things. to continues the cleaning up in my bedroom so i can take the laptop there and set up a little corner to write and stuff...
everyday i feel the need to write more and more in my journal to vent the sh*tloads of idiocy that happen at work... but i'm always too tired or too busy or out of time or... i'm reading somebody else's zine that just arrived in the mail this week. i feel good reading other people's stuff, many times i can identify with them or with some of the experiences they write about and it feels comforting. when i don't relate to it, it's another experience to learn about, to try to view the world and life from somebody else's perspective, and i like that. either way, it's a positive thing to read zines!
my job keeps draining my energy and the few good things i still have(?) inside of me; it leaves me numb but at the same time i'm fully aware of this, of the bad things it "gives" me and that's so contradictory, isn't it? what the hell has this to do with the zine stuff i just wrote before?, you're probably asking... it has a lot to do with zines, with my zine. it has a lot to do with wanting to make a zine, to "escape" my everyday mundane and frustrating job/life by distracting myself with some creative let out, as i've been feeling this need to create for months now. and unfortunately, my job it was keeps me from advancing into making the zine, because i lack the time i would like to have and many times the motivation to work some more, to force my eyes on yet another computer screen and my brain into solving problems with grammar and text construction and layout design etc etc.
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