Showing posts with label my news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label my news. Show all posts
Monday, August 23, 2010
Saturday, April 3, 2010
In the mailbox lately - April, part 1
i should/need to write a bit about these last days & the stuff i got in the mail, as some were real surprises, and others are great news for my distro...
Vampire Sushi Distro order
i made a bit of a mess with this one. when Tukru warned me that she had just gone out of stock on two of the zines i had initially ordered, at first i decided to wait for the zines to arrive. but then i decide not to wait and chose another two zines to “replace” the former. In the middle of the mess (my mess!) i ended up choosing a zine i had already ordered from the zinester directly, but eventually i had forgotten about the zine's name. i got this zine in the mail, and the next day i got Vampire Sushi's order in the mail... and saw the zine again. hahaha, I'm such a dumbass sometimes!
but i understand why i might have messed up with this: with so much to think & worry about these last couple of weeks, with starting up the distro, messages & emails back and forth with zine-makers inviting them to the distro and others wanting to send their work for distro consideration, i eventually forgot about that zine i had ordered (or at least, its name!) and didn't notice it when i saw it on Vampire Sushi's website.
Pin-Buttons for the Distro Yeyyy!!
i ordered some pins from a local maker/seller, just enough quantity to get the free shipping discount hahaha. i ordered mostly pin-buttons with specific designs that:
a) go well with the distro's catalog;
b) were made of photos, or had text, or had detailed designs;
c) to be honest, some were also designs that i liked so much i just had to order them;
– all this to get an idea of the quality of their work.
i also added a “custom-made” design i had worked on, by using a clipart of a penny farthing bike and adding the words penny farthing around the bottom side of the pin.
i wanted to experiment their custom-made buttons quality too, of course, since i have to have all these things in consideration when thinking about buying i buttons from them for the distro's catalog!
i though my order would arrive next week, but it happened to arrive a couple of days ago... The end result on ALL the pin-buttons is very good, so it left me really really happy. and i have to be honest, i'm happy because this way a have a local alternative to having to buy buttons from other places overseas. this doesn't mean i am not gonna buy buttons from some international resellers because they have exclusive designs that i can't get anywhere else and are totally zine-related, so they're essential for the distro's catalog! but i feel better knowing that i have other alternatives when it comes to other types of buttons, and that i can even make “exclusive” designs for the distro.
after 3 failed attempts at trying to get a "good" photo of this button, this afternoon i finally got a "good enough" photo of this cute pin. (see above!)
E-Learning course's "diploma"
about a month & a half ago, for everyone else (besides myself LoL) who doesn't read my blog, i paid myself an e-Learning course on «Entrepreneurship and Business Creation», but i didn't actually end it because the topics got way too complex for my little brain and i became so stressed that i just had to quit, after doing about 3 and 1/ 2 classes (the total classes were 5). in the course's “rules” they said i would receive a certificate if i did like 85% of the classes.
surprisingly, yesterday i got my diploma in the mail. they gave me a score of “Good”, if you compare that to a scale from 0 to 5, it's the same as a 4, or in US terms, it's like getting a “B”. that left me even more surprised. oh well, at least now i don't feel (that) bad for wasting those 120 euros on nothing...
i can now add yet another course certificate to my resume... like it's gonna make a big difference anyway! it's not like i'm really gonna add that info to my curriculum vitae or anything, because the useful information and learnings i got from it weren't that significant that i can say i know how to work on a business creation process from start to finish. so, again, i'm starting to feel like it was a waste of money after all!
Zines for distro consideration
i got my first zine(s) for consideration for my distro's catalog. i must say it felt exciting to get them in the mail, it's like they are little treasures to be discovered. now, after all i read about how to run a distro and stuff, i'm aware that sometimes i might receive zines that after reading i won't like them or think they are what i'm looking for the distro's catalog, and then i'll have to learn how to deal with having to reject people's projects.
but so far i've been lucky enough to get good zines! before this "paper" zine i got in the mail, i had already received a zine but it was a PDF file. now i don't usually accept digital files for consideration because you can't really get an idea of what the zine is like in "real", in paper, but this time i opened an exception because i already knew the zine-maker and i had read another zine by the same person before. lucky me, the PDF was good enough to read without burning my eyes or anything, and the writing/layout/etc in itself were/are quite good so it was definitely a «yes!» for the catalog.
going back to the zine i got in the mail though... I'm not gonna go into too many detail about it, but it is also a «yes!» zine, and i have to email the editor back to tell the good news :)
this just proves what i was talking about a couple of days ago, when someone asked me to tell them "a little about my distro, something to show them that it's not super generic", because ''it seemed that every distro around all carry the same zines". i don't disagreed on 100% but neither do i agree with this kind of statement, so maybe i just agree on 50% or whatever. anyway, what i mean is that, even before i got my 1st zine in the mail for consideration, i felt that there are a lot of zines out there being made that are great, good, amazing, excellent, or "just" really cool, and they aren't necessarily featured in every distro's catalog. sure, there are some "famous" zines that are in almost every distro i've ordered from - but, then again, so far i've just ordered from about 10 distros (if that seems like a lot of distros to you, it's cause i like to experiment :-p). then you have zines that are only featured in one distro or another and that you can hardly find anywhere else besides directly from its editor. i also realize a lot of distro owners stock zines that are made by zine editor they are friends with, and i don't see anything wrong with that either, i'd be doing the same if any of my Portuguese friends had a zine (even my friend that did make a zine in the early 2000's). and although i can't really say i'm friends with anyone in the "international" zine scene, there are some people that i can say i get along with very well, and i obviously want to have those people's zines in my catalog! right beside those people, there are people whose zines i admire but i never really got to "talk" much with, so that makes me a little embarrassed to invite them to be in the catalog.
what if some of my favorite zines are "famous" zines, is that a problem? some of them were the first zines i got to read when i (re)discovered the zine world about a year ago, and they inspired me to start writing again, to have a journal again; they made me feel less lonely; they taught me about things i didn't know or knew little of. so why shouldn't i be grateful to them, and why shouldn't i have them in my distro?
but the zine world isn't just "famous" zines, like i said, there are a lot of other good zines out there, even if those zinesters aren't registered on We Make Zines or aren't part of the zine communities on LiveJournal. some of these people i want them in my catalog too, and if everything goes well, i will have them ;-)
all this to say i have an email to reply, to someone who makes an original and very good zine, and sometimes i just don't know how to put my thoughts into words. i want to invite this person to be in the catalog. since the beginning of our conversations, this zine-maker was really very humble and even being kind of a newbie in the zine world, proved to be a very accessible person. this isn't me saying that "experienced" zine-editors aren't accessible or easy to talk to, not at all! i'm just procrastinating a bit on writing that email...
this week i've also gotten some samples/writings from other people, regarding a possible submissions of other zines for consideration. i liked what i read, even though it's way different from what i usual read and from the majority of zines being made, but that's me - i like to read new and different things, i'm always willing to "try" out something new. and so that's what i got to read, something totality new and quite interesting. i'm curious as to what it would/will look like in the form of a zine ;-)
Zines & books bought and on the reading...
this was a really busy week for my postman i guess hahaha. i got another perzine in the mail, but i have a few "problems" with it and i just don't know what to do about it. at first, i thought about writing back to the editor and tell about what i feel could be corrected/improved in the zine, specially since it's their 1st issue of this particular zine, although the editor says not to be new in zine-making. but i'm affraid my advices will be taken as critiques and not as sincere advices on how to improve the zine.
the problem with this zine is that the text size is too small. the layouts are good, everything else is good, but small text size on a quarter-sized zine just puts me off. i even give a discount to the fact that more than a couple of different typefaces are used (handwritten typefaces). i really want to read the zine but the text size is so small it gives me headaches so i dunno if i'm gonna pick it up again and continue reading. and that makes me sad, really.
i also got "about half" of an order i made from Godhaven Ink distro. it's a book called «Surrender», by Mahalia. when i opened the package and flipped through the book's pages, i was puzzled because it looked like it was half poetry and half prose or biography or whatever. i must have been a little distracted when i ordered it, but it must have been something in the book's description that made me click ''add to cart''. actually, by visiting the distro's website now, i read that Mahalia is a poet, but i probably didn't notice that when i ordered it, to be honest...
the pages still looked very interesting, and when i had the book in my hands i felt curious, being the bookworm i am, so i knew i had to read it to find out what it was all about. and so i did. mostly i think it's poetry, and until the part i paused my reading, i enjoyed it.
i'm always a bit wary when it comes to poetry, because it's not the type of literature i'll choose to buy or read, since i find it hard to like and/or understand, even poetry that is written in my native language (Portuguese). and let me tell you, we have some great poets in our literature's history! though i do like some Portuguese poets, like Florbela Espanca, and some of Fernando Pessoa's poems (or some of his heteronym's poems), most of what i enjoy reading from my country's writers is prose.
i think my high-school Portuguese classes are also to blame for my little interest on poetry. i admit that there was a time in high-school where i slacked off on most classes and i even got some bad grades on Portuguese class, what was kinda shameful given my love for reading and how good i was at those classes until that time. my teenage years kinda sucked, anyway, so... let's move on.
on writing & my future "promised" perzine
well i wasn't planning to write about this when i first started this post, but while i'm writing this i'm also multitasking (as usual) and i opened a text file to edit; it's "just" some stuff i wrote before dinner. i was just getting ready to leave my bedroom and go to the kitchen, when i had this weird burst to write. about my zine project and about writing in my journals. my so-called "zine project" that's what got me here (to make this blog) in the first place. it got me to sign up on We Make Zines and to start dreaming of making my own zine, my very first. but i got lost in the ZineWorld and reading other people's zines became more exciting than working on my own zine.
though i have collected several texts, articles, images, written my own texts, journal essays, made mock-ups of several different zine sizes & different paper foldings, etc. Almost everyday that i turn on the computer, i will find something interesting on the internet, bookmark it and save the page and/or pictures with the intent to use them somehow when making my own zine.
starting my distro came bit as a savior for me. since i couldn't contribute to the zine scene by making my own zine, well, i might as well help spread other people's words (zines!) around the world (though i'm mostly trying to appeal to future European costumers) with a mail-order service, most commonly known as distro.
but know i've gotten the "zine-bug" again and have been thinking about making my zine, maybe in a couple of months or so, when the distro is finally working on 100% or close enough, like 80% or 90%. and then i can distro my own zine, wouldn't that be fun?
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this post is way too long, i wonder if Blogger servers can take it hahaha!
but i should be working on the distro anway, and trying to write down those damn Submission Guidelines i've been trying to write for days now! and on answering emails regarding distro stuff, that's important too!
Zines for distro consideration
i got my first zine(s) for consideration for my distro's catalog. i must say it felt exciting to get them in the mail, it's like they are little treasures to be discovered. now, after all i read about how to run a distro and stuff, i'm aware that sometimes i might receive zines that after reading i won't like them or think they are what i'm looking for the distro's catalog, and then i'll have to learn how to deal with having to reject people's projects.
but so far i've been lucky enough to get good zines! before this "paper" zine i got in the mail, i had already received a zine but it was a PDF file. now i don't usually accept digital files for consideration because you can't really get an idea of what the zine is like in "real", in paper, but this time i opened an exception because i already knew the zine-maker and i had read another zine by the same person before. lucky me, the PDF was good enough to read without burning my eyes or anything, and the writing/layout/etc in itself were/are quite good so it was definitely a «yes!» for the catalog.
going back to the zine i got in the mail though... I'm not gonna go into too many detail about it, but it is also a «yes!» zine, and i have to email the editor back to tell the good news :)
this just proves what i was talking about a couple of days ago, when someone asked me to tell them "a little about my distro, something to show them that it's not super generic", because ''it seemed that every distro around all carry the same zines". i don't disagreed on 100% but neither do i agree with this kind of statement, so maybe i just agree on 50% or whatever. anyway, what i mean is that, even before i got my 1st zine in the mail for consideration, i felt that there are a lot of zines out there being made that are great, good, amazing, excellent, or "just" really cool, and they aren't necessarily featured in every distro's catalog. sure, there are some "famous" zines that are in almost every distro i've ordered from - but, then again, so far i've just ordered from about 10 distros (if that seems like a lot of distros to you, it's cause i like to experiment :-p). then you have zines that are only featured in one distro or another and that you can hardly find anywhere else besides directly from its editor. i also realize a lot of distro owners stock zines that are made by zine editor they are friends with, and i don't see anything wrong with that either, i'd be doing the same if any of my Portuguese friends had a zine (even my friend that did make a zine in the early 2000's). and although i can't really say i'm friends with anyone in the "international" zine scene, there are some people that i can say i get along with very well, and i obviously want to have those people's zines in my catalog! right beside those people, there are people whose zines i admire but i never really got to "talk" much with, so that makes me a little embarrassed to invite them to be in the catalog.
what if some of my favorite zines are "famous" zines, is that a problem? some of them were the first zines i got to read when i (re)discovered the zine world about a year ago, and they inspired me to start writing again, to have a journal again; they made me feel less lonely; they taught me about things i didn't know or knew little of. so why shouldn't i be grateful to them, and why shouldn't i have them in my distro?
but the zine world isn't just "famous" zines, like i said, there are a lot of other good zines out there, even if those zinesters aren't registered on We Make Zines or aren't part of the zine communities on LiveJournal. some of these people i want them in my catalog too, and if everything goes well, i will have them ;-)
all this to say i have an email to reply, to someone who makes an original and very good zine, and sometimes i just don't know how to put my thoughts into words. i want to invite this person to be in the catalog. since the beginning of our conversations, this zine-maker was really very humble and even being kind of a newbie in the zine world, proved to be a very accessible person. this isn't me saying that "experienced" zine-editors aren't accessible or easy to talk to, not at all! i'm just procrastinating a bit on writing that email...
this week i've also gotten some samples/writings from other people, regarding a possible submissions of other zines for consideration. i liked what i read, even though it's way different from what i usual read and from the majority of zines being made, but that's me - i like to read new and different things, i'm always willing to "try" out something new. and so that's what i got to read, something totality new and quite interesting. i'm curious as to what it would/will look like in the form of a zine ;-)
Zines & books bought and on the reading...
this was a really busy week for my postman i guess hahaha. i got another perzine in the mail, but i have a few "problems" with it and i just don't know what to do about it. at first, i thought about writing back to the editor and tell about what i feel could be corrected/improved in the zine, specially since it's their 1st issue of this particular zine, although the editor says not to be new in zine-making. but i'm affraid my advices will be taken as critiques and not as sincere advices on how to improve the zine.
the problem with this zine is that the text size is too small. the layouts are good, everything else is good, but small text size on a quarter-sized zine just puts me off. i even give a discount to the fact that more than a couple of different typefaces are used (handwritten typefaces). i really want to read the zine but the text size is so small it gives me headaches so i dunno if i'm gonna pick it up again and continue reading. and that makes me sad, really.
i also got "about half" of an order i made from Godhaven Ink distro. it's a book called «Surrender», by Mahalia. when i opened the package and flipped through the book's pages, i was puzzled because it looked like it was half poetry and half prose or biography or whatever. i must have been a little distracted when i ordered it, but it must have been something in the book's description that made me click ''add to cart''. actually, by visiting the distro's website now, i read that Mahalia is a poet, but i probably didn't notice that when i ordered it, to be honest...
the pages still looked very interesting, and when i had the book in my hands i felt curious, being the bookworm i am, so i knew i had to read it to find out what it was all about. and so i did. mostly i think it's poetry, and until the part i paused my reading, i enjoyed it.
i'm always a bit wary when it comes to poetry, because it's not the type of literature i'll choose to buy or read, since i find it hard to like and/or understand, even poetry that is written in my native language (Portuguese). and let me tell you, we have some great poets in our literature's history! though i do like some Portuguese poets, like Florbela Espanca, and some of Fernando Pessoa's poems (or some of his heteronym's poems), most of what i enjoy reading from my country's writers is prose.
i think my high-school Portuguese classes are also to blame for my little interest on poetry. i admit that there was a time in high-school where i slacked off on most classes and i even got some bad grades on Portuguese class, what was kinda shameful given my love for reading and how good i was at those classes until that time. my teenage years kinda sucked, anyway, so... let's move on.
on writing & my future "promised" perzine
well i wasn't planning to write about this when i first started this post, but while i'm writing this i'm also multitasking (as usual) and i opened a text file to edit; it's "just" some stuff i wrote before dinner. i was just getting ready to leave my bedroom and go to the kitchen, when i had this weird burst to write. about my zine project and about writing in my journals. my so-called "zine project" that's what got me here (to make this blog) in the first place. it got me to sign up on We Make Zines and to start dreaming of making my own zine, my very first. but i got lost in the ZineWorld and reading other people's zines became more exciting than working on my own zine.
though i have collected several texts, articles, images, written my own texts, journal essays, made mock-ups of several different zine sizes & different paper foldings, etc. Almost everyday that i turn on the computer, i will find something interesting on the internet, bookmark it and save the page and/or pictures with the intent to use them somehow when making my own zine.
starting my distro came bit as a savior for me. since i couldn't contribute to the zine scene by making my own zine, well, i might as well help spread other people's words (zines!) around the world (though i'm mostly trying to appeal to future European costumers) with a mail-order service, most commonly known as distro.
but know i've gotten the "zine-bug" again and have been thinking about making my zine, maybe in a couple of months or so, when the distro is finally working on 100% or close enough, like 80% or 90%. and then i can distro my own zine, wouldn't that be fun?
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this post is way too long, i wonder if Blogger servers can take it hahaha!
but i should be working on the distro anway, and trying to write down those damn Submission Guidelines i've been trying to write for days now! and on answering emails regarding distro stuff, that's important too!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
i miss you
i miss writing here, yep. maybe its a weird thing to say but lately i've been so tangled and busy with other things that i even stopped writing my Morning Pages, which were kind of a daily writing journal/diary type of thing. i just didn't have the time anymore, after waking up, mostly because lately i've been waking up too tired and there are always some bad vibes around here.
while i'm writing this quick post, i'm also updating the "former" zine reviews blog i had created, explaining why that blog is now on a hiatus, perhaps a very long one, who knows...
the thing is - i started a zine (and books!) distro. yeah, me! so to save me some time, i'll just x-post part of the other blog's post in here...
i've moved on to a more important project, starting my own little distro - Invicta Distro. you can pay us a visit here.
the website is still a bit under-construction but you can read a little about me and why i decided to start a distro, and also learn the meaning of the distro's name.
while we're at it, i'm accepting zines for distro consideration, so if you have a zine, stop by the distro's website and read about Zine Topics to get an idea of what types of zines i'm looking for.
but if your zine (or self-published book) doesn't exactly fall into those topics i mentioned, i'm available to talk about your project, i'm always open to read different and new things!
i thought that if i was going to be reading all those zines & writing about them, i might as well try and share them with the rest of the world by distributing them! this is not the main reason why i started the distro though, don't get me wrong! you can read about why i started the distro in the About section of the distro's website ;-)
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i couldn't spend the day working on distro stuff because i had some "Spring" cleanings to do in my bedroom. i turned on the laptop to do a quick check on emails but everything was calm so i went to do some cleanings. every now and then i would come back to check my emails, but the whole day was calm enough, no distro emails, no Facebook urgent messages or anything, so i kept doing my cleanings after dinner and i'm now quite satisfied with what i've accomplished! it means i can go back to sleep in my bedroom (leaving the couch for tv zapping), and secretly read under my blankets before going to sleep...
so i'll be off to bed soon... a new and mysterious book awaits me. when i opened the package and flipped through its pages i was puzzled because it looks like the book is half poetry and half prose or biography or whatever. i must have been a little distracted when i ordered it, but it must have been something in the book's description that made me click ''add to cart''. the pages still look very interesting, and when i had the book in my hands i felt curious, so i just have to read it!
sometimes i need to read books to. that doesn't mean i'm tired of reading zines! but it seems like i see some people dissing books in favor of zines, which makes me sad. all my life i've loved books and read too many to remember the number, but when zines (re)appeared in my life, about a year ago, i felt so excited about this (new) medium and started reading mostly zines, leaving some books unfinished. i could feel some sort of connection to some of the people who wrote some zines, and/or identify myself with some of them, sharing similar life experiences and thoughts and problems. they made me feel less lonely, specially when the times got harder and after losing my job. they would give me a little hope that i could some day accomplish something important in my life, something that could reach out to other people, something that could make a difference. but that's a whole new story...
i wish the day had 30 hours instead of 24, so that i could read a lot more! but it only has 24hours and i can't spend most of them reading, even if i tried.
so the last couple of months i've been reading zines mostly. but everyone needs a bit of fresh air sometimes, don't you think? i value reading, above it all, above the differences of the mediums - books vs. zines -, above the type of "literature" - fiction, poetry, comics, how-to guides, journals -, above the so-called independent publishing vs. mainstream publishing companies. i just like to read, it's as simple as that.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes
now that i think of it, i wouldn't mind listening to some David Bowie's but i think it would make me feel a little too nostalgic and i would end up feeling down, so better not!
there were a few changes this last week, although nothing really that BIG or of great importance in a person's life.
i changed this blog's name and the concept. why?
well, since my first (and only, if any! lol) zine ever is still cooking and will take a while to come out, i was starting to feel that it didn't make much sense to keep calling this my «My Zine Project 2009: the misadventures and perils of making a zine...». also, i hardly ever posted stuff about my perzine project, just a couple of random thoughts and bits. i mostly write about the things happening (or not) in my everyday boring life, so i might as well turn this into a more "personal" blog.
i'll keep writing about zines and books, about the stuff i get in the mail (though i now have the other blog to post specifically about zines i get in the mail), i'll share links about other websites and things i find interesting and worth sharing with you.
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there's a lot of multitasking going on in my life right now:
- i'm taking e-learning classes on «Entrepreneurship and Business Creation» [blogged about here]. the first class was a bit more complex than what i thought, and that kinda got me down. not being able to read the whole class lesson because it started getting noisy around me didn't help much either.
i finished the first chapter of the class and then had "homework" to do, which consists of writing about how and here i see myself & my life 15-20 years from now, what i would like to be doing in that future or what i would like to have accomplished. it's mostly writing about myself, my life goals and my plans (dreams?) for my future... and it freaked me out! the "homework" tasks are supposed to be posted in the course's private forum, so that the e-teacher can read them, and it can be discussed with her and other students taking the same class. for obvious reasons, i don't feel that much comfortable about posting my dreams and talk about myself and my life to a complete stranger(s). but i'll have to to it, one way or another, if i want to finish the course successfully and not regret the money i paid for it!
at one point, i came to realize that i don't like to talk about my life and dreams/projects because i feel i will never succeed, and i also feel that one of my ideas for starting my own business may not be such a good idea after all, and i'll end up broke or something worse if i get myself into it. that is, if i ever get enough money to start it, anyway.
- i'm doing the TAW (aka The Artist's Way) book "lessons", and while i keep procrastinating on doing the Week 1 Tasks, i decided to continue reading the rest of the book, to get a general idea on the whole thing. i want (and need) to feel confident about this book, i want to believe that it will help me make (better) changes in my life.
- i've started a new blog, it's just another Zine Reviews blog!, no big deal, but i felt so excited when i first had the idea that i got down to work and put up the blog in a day. now i need to start writing about the zines i referred to on the first posts, otherwise it will make no sense to keep the blog online and go around advertising it out loud on Facebook or on the We Make Zines community.
- i'm sort of keeping a journal right now; i have been doing it for about a month now.
it's part of the TAW's study: you have to write (at least) 3 pages of stream-of-consciousness longhand morning writing everyday, if possible just after waking up (in the morning, or in the afternoon, which is more my case), because it's the moment of the day when your brain isn't yet fully "active", the logic part of your brain (the dreaded left side of the brain). don't want to get into too many pointless details about this writing exercises, but if you're interested in learning more about this book, feel free to visit the official website and browse the official forums.
what i'm trying to explain is, with all this journaling-like that i've been doing, i've come up with some really intense texts. sometimes i start writing about something that's bugging me and end up writing about something else completely different. i always find this interesting and a little bizarre (in a good way).
- i've been replying more often to posts on the We Make Zines community. specially when it's a call for submissions - someone asking for contributors to a particular zine project. i wish i could reply to all the call for entries, i would like to be able to write more, to develop my writing style; to learn how to write fiction maybe? but, of course, not all the themes posted appeal to me, i don't always have something to say or a story to tell. and i can't draw or have photographic skills so that i can contribute with artwork, so i'm really stuck to writing and that's it.
* last year, i sent my first submission ever for a zine project; now i'm waiting for the printed results.
* i'm listed on a "worldwide" chain-zine project, and hopefully, i'll be getting to make my page around next month.
* i've edited one text for a collab zine about Mental Health, and i want to transcribe another text for the same project, just to keep my options open.
* i'm waiting to know the deadline for a collab zine about Relationship Violence so that i can send it my work.
these might look like some pretty touchy and/or heavy subjects to write about, but that's just the way it is... These are issues that are -or- were present in my life, and i've written about them, so i have experiences that i can share with others.
* i'm listed on a "worldwide" chain-zine project, and hopefully, i'll be getting to make my page around next month.
* i've edited one text for a collab zine about Mental Health, and i want to transcribe another text for the same project, just to keep my options open.
* i'm waiting to know the deadline for a collab zine about Relationship Violence so that i can send it my work.
these might look like some pretty touchy and/or heavy subjects to write about, but that's just the way it is... These are issues that are -or- were present in my life, and i've written about them, so i have experiences that i can share with others.
what i find harder for me about preparing stuff for a collab, is that most of my writings are handwritten, they're all spread around in various journals or notebooks, and i get a bit lazy when i have to transcribe them to electronic text versions. i usually find typos, small grammar mistakes and such, so it's a hard work typing it all into the computer. but that's mostly because i'm really lazy and i have a major tendency to procrastinate... Shame on me!
- these last couple of days, i've caught the shopping spree virus, again. i know i shouldn't be doing that, but i found new zines that look interesting and having the chance to buy them through their creators is something i really enjoy doing. i made one distro order, though, it was a new distro (to me) that i've never heard of in the USA and they had some zines that looked interesting and weren't expensive, so... it was hard to resist.
next week, i'll be getting zines i've ordered last weekend, so the next couple of weeks i think my mailman will be very busy ;-)
- this can't exactly be considered as something i am doing or have been doing, but it's something that's been on my To-Do lists for quite a while: i owe a letter to a female zinester in Canada (or is it Jamaica, now?), and i owe a trade to a Californian female zinester. i hate my procrastination habits, i'm ashamed of my laziness, really! girls, i apologize for this sad behavior of mine!
- last but not least, i'm still unemployed. like this is some really big news, really... I've stopped being so obsessed with spending my days reading the emails i get with job ads and browsing websites for job ads. but this hasn't stopped my from felling guilty, though. i just don't have the strength/courage/willpower/whatever to do that every day or to apply to every single "shitty" job ad i see. last time i applied to one of these, it ended up being a dead end, tricking people to buy things disguised under the name of "Telemarketing". now i don't mind getting a part-time job on a call-center or a help-desk, if only these replied to my applications...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
getting ready to start an e-learning course next wednesday...
a couple of weeks ago i started browsing around and found a Portuguese e-learning company that has various classes on various subjects. and i found a few classes that look quite appealing to me. on one hand, there isn't much "utility" in most of those classes, when it comes to "professional" utility. on the other hand, on a personal level, those classes include various subjects that interest me, some of them that i was always interested in learning.
and part of me would really like to "get away" from the other things/subjects i've worked professionally before. i was getting tired before i quit my job, anyway, so maybe that was a sign that something needed to change. and when i started reading the «Artist's Way» and browsing the books' online forum, i began to think that maybe i really need to change my path, maybe take the next route, diverge a little from the "original" path. because, in reality, i don't have a career, so i don't have to keep doing the same things over and over and over, do i?
i've signed up for two courses on that E-Learning website, one starting this month and the other in March. i was kinda afraid at first, because the course that seemed to be most useful at this moment, «Entrepreneurship and Business Creation» was one of the more expensive ones from my choices. but after an online chat with an old close friend, he said he didn't think the price was that much expensive, considering the advantages of learning online and all that. so i took the courage and signed-up!
i didn't catch the first "season" of the classes, but a new course is starting again this next Wednesday, i have already managed to paid for it and now i'm allowed to attend the classes as soon as they start.
i hope i do well in this course and that i'm able to finish it with good grades or whatever they call it on e-learning.
after this class, i was thinking about taking their «Introduction to Psychology» course, because i'm quite interested in Psychology, i like to read and learn stuff about it. although, again, it's a totally different study subject from my highschool and "post-highschool" studies and from the various jobs/trainings i had, always connected to graphic design, desktop publishing, photography and such...
(after way too much googling for a suitable pic, here's this)
at the beginning, i had some doubts on how i was going to tell my parents that i was getting into an e-learning class, and how they were going to "accept" it. to me it felt weird, because it seemed like for the first time in years, i had made a decision of my own, without consulting, or at least, informing them first. i delayed the topic for a few days and then "introduced" it in a conversation, and they took it alright. the funny thing is that none of them ever asked if i was planning to pay for the classes myself, given the fact that i've been unemployed for over 2 months now, and that my bank account's money doesn't grow on trees.
i find it "funny" how people try and avoid talking about things that they're not interested in talking, or getting into a discussion about it. the money i spend on my "extras" always comes up when they decide to pick a fight with me after i get something from the mailman... But this time, there wasn't a word about me spending money to pay for these classes.
it's sad that when i try to understand my parents and why they act the way they do, i can only come to a conclusion that hypocrisy as become part of their "values system". i don't remember being taught that. or maybe they've been like this all their life and i was just too stoopid to learn it (fortunately for me?) or too blind to see it (unfortunately for me).
Monday, December 7, 2009
the first 'No'
well well... i made a "random" post a few weeks ago, on the night before a job interview. i was a bit anxious about it, because i hadn't been to a job interview in a couple of years. and also because this seemed to be the little light at the end of the tunnel that i was looking for at the moment (and still am...).
turns out i got a phone call today, and i didn't get selected for the place (oh, it was a copy shop). it's ok.
by now i was already counting in a NO answer, because they published the ad again after interviewing me, a much more detailed ad, so i was thinking that maybe i didn't have all they needed/expected for the job. by then i got really down when i saw the second ad and it made me feel even worse than i was already felling, with all the "chaos" that was going on concerning my current (future-ex?) job problems.
anyway, they said they would call me whether their decision was 'yes' or 'no', so, i feel a bit okay about it because they kept their word, and i think that shows a bit of respect for the people they interviewed.
on the phone call, they also said that maybe in the future, when their business starts getting more and more work and they come to need another employee for the store they'd call me to see if i was still interested/available. that was nice of them to say, even if they didn't really meant it and were just being polite (or even saying it out of pity for me...).
i thanked them for the opportunity of the interview, and wished them the best luck for their business. and i really meant it, besides being polite too.
so this was the first No of many (more?) that are to come, i guess. once i start (e)mailing my resume and stuff, i'll have to be prepared for everything.
it's nothing i haven't been through before, but i kinda lost a bit of practice since in the last 3 years i didn't need to do this kind of stuff, as i was working on a trainee job and then went to another company for another trainee and then got a real job for (almost) the last 2 years.
i hope i can keep being strong about this, and not let the hard things get me down too much, not let the depression grow on me too much. not that this Autumn weather is helping me stay positive, and the coming Winter will probably be much worst, but... i really really hope i can keep myself together into fighting for a better change in my life.
...................... because hope might be just around the corner
turns out i got a phone call today, and i didn't get selected for the place (oh, it was a copy shop). it's ok.
by now i was already counting in a NO answer, because they published the ad again after interviewing me, a much more detailed ad, so i was thinking that maybe i didn't have all they needed/expected for the job. by then i got really down when i saw the second ad and it made me feel even worse than i was already felling, with all the "chaos" that was going on concerning my current (future-ex?) job problems.
anyway, they said they would call me whether their decision was 'yes' or 'no', so, i feel a bit okay about it because they kept their word, and i think that shows a bit of respect for the people they interviewed.
on the phone call, they also said that maybe in the future, when their business starts getting more and more work and they come to need another employee for the store they'd call me to see if i was still interested/available. that was nice of them to say, even if they didn't really meant it and were just being polite (or even saying it out of pity for me...).
i thanked them for the opportunity of the interview, and wished them the best luck for their business. and i really meant it, besides being polite too.
so this was the first No of many (more?) that are to come, i guess. once i start (e)mailing my resume and stuff, i'll have to be prepared for everything.
it's nothing i haven't been through before, but i kinda lost a bit of practice since in the last 3 years i didn't need to do this kind of stuff, as i was working on a trainee job and then went to another company for another trainee and then got a real job for (almost) the last 2 years.
i hope i can keep being strong about this, and not let the hard things get me down too much, not let the depression grow on me too much. not that this Autumn weather is helping me stay positive, and the coming Winter will probably be much worst, but... i really really hope i can keep myself together into fighting for a better change in my life.
...................... because hope might be just around the corner
lost post (but not that much)
last night i was writing a new blog post but then it turned out to be very long and in the end, i got my internet connection shut down hahahha. no crisis though, because i managed to copy all the text in the browser and copy-paste it into a word doc, and i even continued on writing more... making it longer! i dunno about posting it here, all the full text or do some editing and use the full text for a zine or something :-s.
oohh, decisions, decisions!...
anyway, let’s talk about what i did today first. basically, nothing new. nothing that much different from what i've been doing the past few days. browsed the internets, ended up on a website for a zine that i'm not sure it's still being published or what, but i spent a long long time there. the site was full of text-heavy pages, dozens of articles, from politics, esoteric, art, even sexuality articles. i saved quite a few pages that seemed interesting but it's hard to get down and really read them, as they were really basically just text and more text. my eyes get itchy from staring at the computer screen for too long, so i hardly ever read e-books and long articles.
i was googling for pics on riot grrrl stuff and i ended up on a webpage with the Riot Grrrl Manifesto by Kathleen Hanna, then proceeded to satisfy my usual curiosity and went to the main page to see what this site was all about. and that takes us to the paragraph above, as to the reason why i ended up spending most of my online time on that website...
i had read the Riot Grrrl manifesto before, but it's the kind of thing i have to read more than once to really get into it. i think i agree with most of the points in the manifesto, but i still don't really know where i stand in the middle of this Riot Grrrl thing and Feminism and all that. as i've been reading a lot of feminist (or at least, feminist "inclined") zines, i know there are many ways of interpreting Feminism, many "types" of feminists movements and many different ways to incorporate it in your everyday life.
as i went through my teen years, i came to learn the world wasn't all just bunnies and romance, 4ever love and that kind of stuff. i become aware of the social injustices towards women, the need for women’s rights statements and awareness campaigns. now that i'm on my thirties, i seem to feel this even more, as i kind of feel it affects my life and has been doing it since a young age. so i kind of feel myself as a feminist, but i don't quite know how to life my life according to this feeling.
of course, all this talk about Feminism and Women’s Rights as made me think, many times, of how i could incorporate this part of me into the zines. even if i should incorporate these kind of subjects at all, but i feel that society needs to be reminded every now and then, that we Women are here and deserve to be treated with respect and all that stuff that Fem-talk is about.
oohh, decisions, decisions!...
anyway, let’s talk about what i did today first. basically, nothing new. nothing that much different from what i've been doing the past few days. browsed the internets, ended up on a website for a zine that i'm not sure it's still being published or what, but i spent a long long time there. the site was full of text-heavy pages, dozens of articles, from politics, esoteric, art, even sexuality articles. i saved quite a few pages that seemed interesting but it's hard to get down and really read them, as they were really basically just text and more text. my eyes get itchy from staring at the computer screen for too long, so i hardly ever read e-books and long articles.
i was googling for pics on riot grrrl stuff and i ended up on a webpage with the Riot Grrrl Manifesto by Kathleen Hanna, then proceeded to satisfy my usual curiosity and went to the main page to see what this site was all about. and that takes us to the paragraph above, as to the reason why i ended up spending most of my online time on that website...
i had read the Riot Grrrl manifesto before, but it's the kind of thing i have to read more than once to really get into it. i think i agree with most of the points in the manifesto, but i still don't really know where i stand in the middle of this Riot Grrrl thing and Feminism and all that. as i've been reading a lot of feminist (or at least, feminist "inclined") zines, i know there are many ways of interpreting Feminism, many "types" of feminists movements and many different ways to incorporate it in your everyday life.
as i went through my teen years, i came to learn the world wasn't all just bunnies and romance, 4ever love and that kind of stuff. i become aware of the social injustices towards women, the need for women’s rights statements and awareness campaigns. now that i'm on my thirties, i seem to feel this even more, as i kind of feel it affects my life and has been doing it since a young age. so i kind of feel myself as a feminist, but i don't quite know how to life my life according to this feeling.
of course, all this talk about Feminism and Women’s Rights as made me think, many times, of how i could incorporate this part of me into the zines. even if i should incorporate these kind of subjects at all, but i feel that society needs to be reminded every now and then, that we Women are here and deserve to be treated with respect and all that stuff that Fem-talk is about.
apart from my online “life”, my real life is just about the same as it was yesterday and the day before...
this Fall seems determined to give me no chance to cheer up a bit, because it’s been raining ‘all the time’ and lots of wind. and to think that when Winter comes it will be worst!... well, at least ‘all the time’ i’m awake during daytime. if you consider i go to sleep late now and i get up late too, usually always after midday and then go straight to the kitchen to have lunch with my parents, then if it starts to rain heavily around 4pm, i don’t get to see much daylight or even the sun at all. when it starts to rain, it gets all gray outside and even with the curtains open i have to turn on the lights if i wanna read something or even just watch tv.
lately, i’ve been coming to my bedroom and set up my laptop and spend the rest of the afternoon and the after dinner secluded in my room. this also helps keeping my parents away, for most of the time, so that i don’t get bugged. i get enough of that when we get together for our meals...
this Fall seems determined to give me no chance to cheer up a bit, because it’s been raining ‘all the time’ and lots of wind. and to think that when Winter comes it will be worst!... well, at least ‘all the time’ i’m awake during daytime. if you consider i go to sleep late now and i get up late too, usually always after midday and then go straight to the kitchen to have lunch with my parents, then if it starts to rain heavily around 4pm, i don’t get to see much daylight or even the sun at all. when it starts to rain, it gets all gray outside and even with the curtains open i have to turn on the lights if i wanna read something or even just watch tv.
lately, i’ve been coming to my bedroom and set up my laptop and spend the rest of the afternoon and the after dinner secluded in my room. this also helps keeping my parents away, for most of the time, so that i don’t get bugged. i get enough of that when we get together for our meals...
today was Sunday, so as a “tradition”, my dad buys the sunday edition of JN newspaper. lately the newspaper has become an important thing because of my (undefined) job/unemployed situation. i almost crave for it because of the job ads, but today it was really poor. i could almost tell it would be, when i picked up the Ads section and saw it was thinner than usual. so, no ads i could apply to, pouring rain outside, no answer/news from my “former” employees, no news on the interview i went to a week ago last friday. any more negative things to add up to this cool list?
on the positive side, i got some music from Hole and Bif Naked (still waiting for Bikini Kill tunes to download), because i had seen references to some of their songs on Amber’s zine «Culture Slut» and also on her twin sister’s (Maranda) zine «Telegram Ma'am». i’ve seen references to some bands i hardly know and others i don’t know at all, in many of the feminist/riot grrrl zines i bought, so i decided to go find new music. since i’m a music whore - meaning i like music very much, i like many different styles and i’m always willing to try new music - this isn’t a hard task for me.
last night i finally took some time to read and “examine” Niku’s «Hello My Name Is Niku personal zine pack» i got in the mail on tuesday. the Pack is made of 3 minizines but i got an extra mini, which is great, it’s another mini treat for me to examine and contemplate.
i gotta say i hadn’t read them when i first got them or in the days after because i needed to clear my head from clutter caused by the problems with my job. Niku’s minizines seemed - and are! - so rich in details and full of inspiration and ideas on copy-paste. the fact that she can make a mini out of an A4 page, with many imagery and a few words made me rethink my whole concept for my zine project. that might sound like a bad thing at first, but i don’t see it that way, i see it as a good thing!
the extra minizine i got, was made in one day(!), for one of those 24hour zine projects. i find the 24hour zine projects to be an amazing way to encourage immediate creativity and DIY techniques. i even thought about participating into one of those projects...if i wasn’t such a procrastinator, and a chickenshit!
besides, i’m still all alone when it comes to real life zine makers, zine communities and projects where i live (or anywhere nearby) that i lack that first push it takes to begin and makes you get your hands dirty. i know there are some handmade crafts groups around here, from the time i was “into” that stuff, the time i become obsessed with handmade crafts, but they are mostly into sewing, jewelry, polymer clay, drawing/painting and stuff like that. i really don’t know if anyone is into zines now, because i sort of “abandoned” my flickr account and blogs on the subject... it wouldn’t kill to browse flickr for that or even ask around in the forums i was in, i know, but when i think about that, i see myself getting sucked into the flickr-addictive (virtual)world again.
and that means i will be spending more time looking at the pretty pics of beautiful crafts other people are making than really trying to make new connections and looking for zine makers or anyone curious about them.
i gotta say i hadn’t read them when i first got them or in the days after because i needed to clear my head from clutter caused by the problems with my job. Niku’s minizines seemed - and are! - so rich in details and full of inspiration and ideas on copy-paste. the fact that she can make a mini out of an A4 page, with many imagery and a few words made me rethink my whole concept for my zine project. that might sound like a bad thing at first, but i don’t see it that way, i see it as a good thing!
the extra minizine i got, was made in one day(!), for one of those 24hour zine projects. i find the 24hour zine projects to be an amazing way to encourage immediate creativity and DIY techniques. i even thought about participating into one of those projects...if i wasn’t such a procrastinator, and a chickenshit!
besides, i’m still all alone when it comes to real life zine makers, zine communities and projects where i live (or anywhere nearby) that i lack that first push it takes to begin and makes you get your hands dirty. i know there are some handmade crafts groups around here, from the time i was “into” that stuff, the time i become obsessed with handmade crafts, but they are mostly into sewing, jewelry, polymer clay, drawing/painting and stuff like that. i really don’t know if anyone is into zines now, because i sort of “abandoned” my flickr account and blogs on the subject... it wouldn’t kill to browse flickr for that or even ask around in the forums i was in, i know, but when i think about that, i see myself getting sucked into the flickr-addictive (virtual)world again.
and that means i will be spending more time looking at the pretty pics of beautiful crafts other people are making than really trying to make new connections and looking for zine makers or anyone curious about them.
** i made some zinester references on this post, they are all amazing girls that make really cool zines, so i feel they deserved some free pub (hahaha) right here! **
http://wemakezines.ning.com/profile/NikuArbabi
----- p.s.: sometimes when i post, i have some problems with text formatting on this blogger thing... and it's getting on my nerves! i have to edit the post after i publish it, sometimes twice or three times! aaarghhh!
----- p.s.: sometimes when i post, i have some problems with text formatting on this blogger thing... and it's getting on my nerves! i have to edit the post after i publish it, sometimes twice or three times! aaarghhh!
Friday, December 4, 2009
To be, or not to be...
... ...
To be, or not to be - unemployed: that is the question!
i handed in my resignation letter on December 2nd.
and i'm still waiting to know if 'they' will accept it or not. if they don't accept it, what will their "proposition" for an alternative be?
i was getting into a downward spiral since i was moved from work places last month. i was falling (back) into depression and taking the desperation, anger, and frustration feelings on myself. and we don't need another depressed woman in the house, do we? and i'm not that much interested in becoming bipolar either, so... i rather give up that job and move on. to something new, something better, hopefully.
maybe this post got a little too personal to be available to all the "online world" to see, but... i guess i don't care anymore.
... ...
Friday, October 30, 2009
friday off
what i've been up to:
finally i managed to post a list of all the stuff i'm reading, i mean the zines i've been reading lately (some of them older than others, and some i haven't actually picked up in a while now sorry, but ok) and some books i keep near in my bedroom, besides the Stolen Sharpie book. due to its small & practical size i carry it around in my bag and sometimes i (re)read it on my commutes in the subway.
i also got to "organize" my zine collection by putting zines & mail i got from individual zinesters in the last couple of months each on an separate plastic file "folder". i had done this before with the zines i got from Microcosm, filling them by themes, but since i tend to buy more issues of the zines i like most, i think it's easier to file them by title or creator.
while i was looking up zines & books, i found another notebook that was in my bedside table's drawer and there are a few texts in it, most "recent" one dates from the end of may this year. it's 4 and half pages long, and it looks like it's a good one for transcribing, maybe add it to the zine. it seems most of my texts have turned into "old" writings by now, because of how long i've been into this zine-making project... i've been witting some stuff lately, and i don't know if these old and new texts would fit well for the first issue of the zine. maybe it's too much content, to much to read? maybe yes. by the time i finish putting all texts in digital files i'll probably have enough material for making two issues hahaha!
still, this seems to be a little far from conclusion, a first issue, i mean. there's so much going on around me that it's still hard to concentrate my energy on this project, even with having the laptop in my bedroom, i'm not quite "there" yet.
there's still too much bad vibes around in the house... making me feel that i should have left when i had the (small) chance. too late for that now. maybe in a year, if i still have a job by then. and by then i'll have to start all over again the dull process of looking for ads on room renting. because the ways things are, i don't think i'll win the lottery or something and be able to buy/rent my own place, just for me (and maybe a cat, i want one so bad). and i'm definitely not going to get a raise on my current job, or find a great job that will pay me enough for such a living.
it sucks to make bad decisions on important issues of your life. it sucks not to be rich. no, really, it sucks not having enough money to be able to support yourself on a small apartment/studio/whatever and still have money for food (mostly vegan, which is more expensive than "normal" food), electricity/water/internet expenses, health expenses, and whatnot.
i'm so used to being in the night shift that i keep forgetting this weekend i'll be doing the morning shift. and that kinda sucks because i still haven't' thought about what i'll be making for tomorrows lunch at work. not that i wasn't reminded of such "obligation" a while ago, but it looked more like i was being reprimanded for something i did wrong. almost 31 and i still get treated like a f~cking child. and when they do it this way, i get even less appetite than the few i already have, and less motivation to do anything at all.
now, i've made a mess all over my bed. some plastic folders behind my left, some more on my left with mail i got today from Pippa (still have to answer her), then the pin buttons i've bought from okate and Alex/Small World Buttons, next 4 notebooks where i write my journaling stuff, next the zines i made the «currently reading» post with, my online shopping notebook (where i have a list of the stuff i buy online, who/how much/when i bought it, when it arrived, and have i answered them back or not).
on my right, it's the mail i got from Alex Wrekk, Brainscan zines, pin button, an extra cd as a goodie, thank you notes, my cellphone, a water bottle, and some other boring mail i got from an online retail clothing store.
in the middle of all this mess, there's me sitting with crossed legs, leaning over my laptop. i keep remembering i still have to go and eat dinner (perhaps what was left, if anything, from today lunch chinese food). it's getting a little late fro dinner though, and i hate it when this happens, but it's always the same sh~t in our house...
a couple of minutes ago i was hearing one of the neighbors' kids crying, or squeaking as i like to call it, and his mother yelling something at him. just not long ago i heard him running around the house and squeaking joyfully. and when things don't go the way he wants to, he just starts squeaking, and it's all just crocodile tears anyway. these kids learn pretty fast nowadays, don't they? what does this have to do with what i was writing before, about dinner? i guess not much, but it's just another thing to add up to my list of annoyances in here.
11:50pm update
something in my microsoft office went wrong and i can no longer use word to write or edit my stuff. sure, i have the trial-version that came with the laptop from the manufacturer. anyway, it sucks cause it had a really good spellchecker. i still couldn't find my away around OpenOffice's spellchecker and that totally messes up my work for the zine now! also, my Google Chrome browser (and as i'm trying it on others, so is Firefox) is acting weird with the spellchecker, specially when i'm writing posts on blogger. i don't know what happened to blogger spellchecker anyway. a few months ago i saw this option and now it's gone?
finally i managed to post a list of all the stuff i'm reading, i mean the zines i've been reading lately (some of them older than others, and some i haven't actually picked up in a while now sorry, but ok) and some books i keep near in my bedroom, besides the Stolen Sharpie book. due to its small & practical size i carry it around in my bag and sometimes i (re)read it on my commutes in the subway.
i also got to "organize" my zine collection by putting zines & mail i got from individual zinesters in the last couple of months each on an separate plastic file "folder". i had done this before with the zines i got from Microcosm, filling them by themes, but since i tend to buy more issues of the zines i like most, i think it's easier to file them by title or creator.
while i was looking up zines & books, i found another notebook that was in my bedside table's drawer and there are a few texts in it, most "recent" one dates from the end of may this year. it's 4 and half pages long, and it looks like it's a good one for transcribing, maybe add it to the zine. it seems most of my texts have turned into "old" writings by now, because of how long i've been into this zine-making project... i've been witting some stuff lately, and i don't know if these old and new texts would fit well for the first issue of the zine. maybe it's too much content, to much to read? maybe yes. by the time i finish putting all texts in digital files i'll probably have enough material for making two issues hahaha!
still, this seems to be a little far from conclusion, a first issue, i mean. there's so much going on around me that it's still hard to concentrate my energy on this project, even with having the laptop in my bedroom, i'm not quite "there" yet.
there's still too much bad vibes around in the house... making me feel that i should have left when i had the (small) chance. too late for that now. maybe in a year, if i still have a job by then. and by then i'll have to start all over again the dull process of looking for ads on room renting. because the ways things are, i don't think i'll win the lottery or something and be able to buy/rent my own place, just for me (and maybe a cat, i want one so bad). and i'm definitely not going to get a raise on my current job, or find a great job that will pay me enough for such a living.
it sucks to make bad decisions on important issues of your life. it sucks not to be rich. no, really, it sucks not having enough money to be able to support yourself on a small apartment/studio/whatever and still have money for food (mostly vegan, which is more expensive than "normal" food), electricity/water/internet expenses, health expenses, and whatnot.
i'm so used to being in the night shift that i keep forgetting this weekend i'll be doing the morning shift. and that kinda sucks because i still haven't' thought about what i'll be making for tomorrows lunch at work. not that i wasn't reminded of such "obligation" a while ago, but it looked more like i was being reprimanded for something i did wrong. almost 31 and i still get treated like a f~cking child. and when they do it this way, i get even less appetite than the few i already have, and less motivation to do anything at all.
now, i've made a mess all over my bed. some plastic folders behind my left, some more on my left with mail i got today from Pippa (still have to answer her), then the pin buttons i've bought from okate and Alex/Small World Buttons, next 4 notebooks where i write my journaling stuff, next the zines i made the «currently reading» post with, my online shopping notebook (where i have a list of the stuff i buy online, who/how much/when i bought it, when it arrived, and have i answered them back or not).
on my right, it's the mail i got from Alex Wrekk, Brainscan zines, pin button, an extra cd as a goodie, thank you notes, my cellphone, a water bottle, and some other boring mail i got from an online retail clothing store.
in the middle of all this mess, there's me sitting with crossed legs, leaning over my laptop. i keep remembering i still have to go and eat dinner (perhaps what was left, if anything, from today lunch chinese food). it's getting a little late fro dinner though, and i hate it when this happens, but it's always the same sh~t in our house...
a couple of minutes ago i was hearing one of the neighbors' kids crying, or squeaking as i like to call it, and his mother yelling something at him. just not long ago i heard him running around the house and squeaking joyfully. and when things don't go the way he wants to, he just starts squeaking, and it's all just crocodile tears anyway. these kids learn pretty fast nowadays, don't they? what does this have to do with what i was writing before, about dinner? i guess not much, but it's just another thing to add up to my list of annoyances in here.
11:50pm update
something in my microsoft office went wrong and i can no longer use word to write or edit my stuff. sure, i have the trial-version that came with the laptop from the manufacturer. anyway, it sucks cause it had a really good spellchecker. i still couldn't find my away around OpenOffice's spellchecker and that totally messes up my work for the zine now! also, my Google Chrome browser (and as i'm trying it on others, so is Firefox) is acting weird with the spellchecker, specially when i'm writing posts on blogger. i don't know what happened to blogger spellchecker anyway. a few months ago i saw this option and now it's gone?
Sunday, October 25, 2009
doing stuff!
yep, i really have been working on the zine (thank you Filka ^^). but i just got surprised and scared at the same time, when i counted how many pages (it's A5 size but still...) i have written on my notebook still to be transcribed to the computer so i can edit and stuff - 24 pages! WOW!
will i ever get this done? should i leave the more recent texts out of the first issue, on the fear or making it too full of writing and few images and thus make it a very very boring zine?
on the other hand, i've finally sent my 'corrected' submission for G.'s project. my very first submission for this kind of stuff! i'm anxious to see the final result, and read other people's contributions, but i also feel a bit shy and afraid that others will read my text and find it dull.
i would like to do this kind of thing again though, even making my own contributors zine(s) but i don't know if i would be able to get things ready on time, keeping track of submitted work and all that... i keep checking the forums & groups at We Make Zines for post asking for submissions but so far i haven't had the guts to answer any. i'm not sure if i could write proper material for the themes proposed and as for artsy contributions, count me out cause i suck at drawing :-p
at the same time, i've been listening to some music, selecting the best tunes for the surprise cd i'm making for L. (won't be much of a surprise if L. read my blog but ok! LoL). if i didn't have my older texts to transcribe, i would definitely be writing something new, because all this music makes me inspired... some songs are like classics and/or i haven't listened to them in a while, so there's a bit of nostalgia mixed with hope in all this. i still have to make a booklet for the cd, at least with a small info on each artist, otherwise L. will feel she's listening to chinese music from the 16th century or something [i don't really know anything about that, was there a particular music period back then in china?]. i'm also thinking about another "themed" cd to send L. next, but shhh, don't tell her, it's a secret!
so i made a little pause on the transcribing thing to update the blog and rest my eyes a bit. tonight is cool cause the hour is changing, we're delaying the clock 1 hour, they [they=the media] say it's at 2am but anytime's just fine for me, cause tomorrow is my day off yeys!! this sunday has 25 hours like they said, though it's kind of a silly thing to say anyway. for me, a day could have like 34 hours or so. this way i could sleep a couple more hours an be left with four hours to spend between working on the zine, surfing the web and reading emails, cooking proper healthy food. but we're stuck with 24, so... deal with it, period!
will i ever get this done? should i leave the more recent texts out of the first issue, on the fear or making it too full of writing and few images and thus make it a very very boring zine?
on the other hand, i've finally sent my 'corrected' submission for G.'s project. my very first submission for this kind of stuff! i'm anxious to see the final result, and read other people's contributions, but i also feel a bit shy and afraid that others will read my text and find it dull.
i would like to do this kind of thing again though, even making my own contributors zine(s) but i don't know if i would be able to get things ready on time, keeping track of submitted work and all that... i keep checking the forums & groups at We Make Zines for post asking for submissions but so far i haven't had the guts to answer any. i'm not sure if i could write proper material for the themes proposed and as for artsy contributions, count me out cause i suck at drawing :-p
at the same time, i've been listening to some music, selecting the best tunes for the surprise cd i'm making for L. (won't be much of a surprise if L. read my blog but ok! LoL). if i didn't have my older texts to transcribe, i would definitely be writing something new, because all this music makes me inspired... some songs are like classics and/or i haven't listened to them in a while, so there's a bit of nostalgia mixed with hope in all this. i still have to make a booklet for the cd, at least with a small info on each artist, otherwise L. will feel she's listening to chinese music from the 16th century or something [i don't really know anything about that, was there a particular music period back then in china?]. i'm also thinking about another "themed" cd to send L. next, but shhh, don't tell her, it's a secret!
so i made a little pause on the transcribing thing to update the blog and rest my eyes a bit. tonight is cool cause the hour is changing, we're delaying the clock 1 hour, they [they=the media] say it's at 2am but anytime's just fine for me, cause tomorrow is my day off yeys!! this sunday has 25 hours like they said, though it's kind of a silly thing to say anyway. for me, a day could have like 34 hours or so. this way i could sleep a couple more hours an be left with four hours to spend between working on the zine, surfing the web and reading emails, cooking proper healthy food. but we're stuck with 24, so... deal with it, period!
Monday, September 28, 2009
just a small update...
well here i am, back to the internets, but just to tell you a couple of news, like, i have a new computer, i finally bought that "damn" laptop i've been dreaming of the last months. so i spent the free time i had during this weekend learning my way around it, installing some software i need to be able to function with this thing...
today was election day here in Portugal, for the government/parliament, so a part of my afternoon was spent on that, going to vote and "socializing" with friends & acquaintances of my parents (i went with them to vote).
then after dinner i decided to do some cleanings & (re) organizing some areas of my bedroom. hopefully, i'll be able to set up a little space so i can have the laptop there. i still need to set up the wireless modem/router i had to buy to go wit the cable ADSL internet i already had on the desktops at my house, so that i can take the laptop to my room and still have internet in there.
i don't think they will read this, but i got a lot of stuff in the mail last week, from lovely Etsy zine-makers & from the We Make Zines community, but because of my job i didn't have time to let them know i got their packages or to leave them feedback at Etsy :-(
i'll probably get a few more stuff this week, i hope i can get to contact that all of them and tell them that their zines (& goodies) arrived safe and sound and that i loved their decorated envelopes, postcards, stickers, and etc etc ^__^
p.s.: hurray for me! i managed to type all this without using a mouse, cause i bought one indeed, but it's not working and i'm going to the store to exchange it. so, my nightmare is a touchpad with two buttons! EEEKK!
today was election day here in Portugal, for the government/parliament, so a part of my afternoon was spent on that, going to vote and "socializing" with friends & acquaintances of my parents (i went with them to vote).
then after dinner i decided to do some cleanings & (re) organizing some areas of my bedroom. hopefully, i'll be able to set up a little space so i can have the laptop there. i still need to set up the wireless modem/router i had to buy to go wit the cable ADSL internet i already had on the desktops at my house, so that i can take the laptop to my room and still have internet in there.
i don't think they will read this, but i got a lot of stuff in the mail last week, from lovely Etsy zine-makers & from the We Make Zines community, but because of my job i didn't have time to let them know i got their packages or to leave them feedback at Etsy :-(
i'll probably get a few more stuff this week, i hope i can get to contact that all of them and tell them that their zines (& goodies) arrived safe and sound and that i loved their decorated envelopes, postcards, stickers, and etc etc ^__^
p.s.: hurray for me! i managed to type all this without using a mouse, cause i bought one indeed, but it's not working and i'm going to the store to exchange it. so, my nightmare is a touchpad with two buttons! EEEKK!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
random errors
(couldn't come up with a better post-title, sorry)
spent many parts of today working for my zine, which wasn't so bad because i usually just lurk around for visual inspiration and topics to develop essays in my mind. it could be better, i could be working in the zine, but hey, you can't have it all at once now, can you?
nothing i the mail for me today :-/ . but hold on my beating heart, in the next weeks i'll hopefully have at least one goodie in the mailbox per week, since i went on a online shopping spree for zines (hurray for Etsy!! hurray for PayPal!! hurray for zinesters at WMZ and everywhere else!!) these last days of my vacation...
after breakfast, i picked up some books i had tagged with colored post-its for cool stuff to scan and started at it. then i browsed some old schoolbooks, which i've found make for good collage and page-backgrounds resources along with illustrations and random blocks of text/typography. at least i'm actually learning something from seeing zines samples online and buy them like an addict.
i got some schoolbooks from the 50's and 60 from my parents, and my bothers' from the 70s. my books are not that "vintage" (hahaha), i only got stuff from the 80s and 90s, not so cool when it comes to images or diagrams, and full color leave little "image-manip potential" to my imagination.
all i needed now was a few more vacation days to get my arse off to the copy shop at the mall and print some stuff to test the copiers and start making some backgrounds for layout samples and collage stash. but i can't have any more days now, i'm ending my vacations tonight, sadly for me and for my computer, my biggest companion during these "hermit" days, i'm sure ´he´ is going to miss me much and so will i :-(´´´
yesterday i hardly ever thought about the "implications" of going back to work. but today, as the deadline came closer, i started feeling a bit anguished about it and a bit depressed too... i can't help feeling like that sometimes because as time goes by, i think more and more on the meaning of my job and how it's affecting my life. and when i say affecting, i mean it's in a bad way. but i can't quit my job can i? it's a long story, but i waited a long time until i got a "real" paying job and it would turn my life upside down if i quited now, specially this year because if the so-called crisis and blah blah blah.
so i just keep on at it, getting sucked into a void that keeps me away from my friends and my hobbies and time to take care of myself. how can someone balance the need of a job with feeling unhappy at it and at the path that that job keeps taking your life into?
spent many parts of today working for my zine, which wasn't so bad because i usually just lurk around for visual inspiration and topics to develop essays in my mind. it could be better, i could be working in the zine, but hey, you can't have it all at once now, can you?
nothing i the mail for me today :-/ . but hold on my beating heart, in the next weeks i'll hopefully have at least one goodie in the mailbox per week, since i went on a online shopping spree for zines (hurray for Etsy!! hurray for PayPal!! hurray for zinesters at WMZ and everywhere else!!) these last days of my vacation...
after breakfast, i picked up some books i had tagged with colored post-its for cool stuff to scan and started at it. then i browsed some old schoolbooks, which i've found make for good collage and page-backgrounds resources along with illustrations and random blocks of text/typography. at least i'm actually learning something from seeing zines samples online and buy them like an addict.
i got some schoolbooks from the 50's and 60 from my parents, and my bothers' from the 70s. my books are not that "vintage" (hahaha), i only got stuff from the 80s and 90s, not so cool when it comes to images or diagrams, and full color leave little "image-manip potential" to my imagination.
all i needed now was a few more vacation days to get my arse off to the copy shop at the mall and print some stuff to test the copiers and start making some backgrounds for layout samples and collage stash. but i can't have any more days now, i'm ending my vacations tonight, sadly for me and for my computer, my biggest companion during these "hermit" days, i'm sure ´he´ is going to miss me much and so will i :-(´´´
yesterday i hardly ever thought about the "implications" of going back to work. but today, as the deadline came closer, i started feeling a bit anguished about it and a bit depressed too... i can't help feeling like that sometimes because as time goes by, i think more and more on the meaning of my job and how it's affecting my life. and when i say affecting, i mean it's in a bad way. but i can't quit my job can i? it's a long story, but i waited a long time until i got a "real" paying job and it would turn my life upside down if i quited now, specially this year because if the so-called crisis and blah blah blah.
so i just keep on at it, getting sucked into a void that keeps me away from my friends and my hobbies and time to take care of myself. how can someone balance the need of a job with feeling unhappy at it and at the path that that job keeps taking your life into?
the bad news is...
i might take a while to answer emails from now on, because tomorrow i'm back to work (my last vacations for this year end tonight snif snif´´´´) and i'll have less time to come to my computer (that sucks, but days only have 24 hours so...). i could try to check my email at work but the next few days i'll probably won't get much free time in there and besides it can be hard to get enough privacy to check my mail...
also i'm having some guys install optic fiber at the building where i live and if i'm not lucky i might loose my internet connection for a couple of days (that sucks too, hopefully nothing will happen but...)
so, don't think i'm ignoring your messages or anything, it's just life getting in the away again ;-/
also i'm having some guys install optic fiber at the building where i live and if i'm not lucky i might loose my internet connection for a couple of days (that sucks too, hopefully nothing will happen but...)
so, don't think i'm ignoring your messages or anything, it's just life getting in the away again ;-/
lots of new stuff in the mailbox but oops!
got another big amount of stuff on the mail today; the rest of my last BookDepository order and a package from Microcosm. Microcosm = ZINES!!! but sadly, they seem to have missed one of the items i ordered, a book about the Icarus Project :-( I'm gonna have to email them back to solve this problem, but i hate doing this kind of stuff, really i do!
weirdest thing about all that is that the package that arrived today was the last order i made at Microcosm and was which was shipped about a week ago, and i'm still waiting for two previous orders that were shipped almost a week before the last one.
since these two first orders were pretty big, lot's of zines & books, they sent them in large boxes instead of flat envelopes like i usually get, so i hope and cross my fingers that it didn't get lost or stopped in the damn customs in Portugal, or that the guys at the post office didn't screwed my packages!
i know it's probably a big & heavy package and the delivery man/woman might not be able to bring it to my door but that's why they have warning flyers on heavy/big volume mail, for the gods' sake! arghh, i get really annoyed when mail delivery works that mediocre, it has happened before but then i didn't get mail/packages for a while and when i started again it worked fine... until now :-(
weirdest thing about all that is that the package that arrived today was the last order i made at Microcosm and was which was shipped about a week ago, and i'm still waiting for two previous orders that were shipped almost a week before the last one.
since these two first orders were pretty big, lot's of zines & books, they sent them in large boxes instead of flat envelopes like i usually get, so i hope and cross my fingers that it didn't get lost or stopped in the damn customs in Portugal, or that the guys at the post office didn't screwed my packages!
i know it's probably a big & heavy package and the delivery man/woman might not be able to bring it to my door but that's why they have warning flyers on heavy/big volume mail, for the gods' sake! arghh, i get really annoyed when mail delivery works that mediocre, it has happened before but then i didn't get mail/packages for a while and when i started again it worked fine... until now :-(
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