another day of work... another day of worries.
maybe it's the autumn grey sky in the end of the afternoons, maybe it's the cold weather coming in, i dunno... but i'm starting to feel a bit down. even when i'm at home. right now i was trying to distract myself with some online mahjong and was almost falling asleep in front of the laptop. i must've been looking pretty silly!
i got emails to answer, "thank yous" to give for zines & personal notes i got in the mailbox.
i keep delaying going to the print shop to try out some photocopies of artwork and images for my zine. i keep delaying this and the writings/transcribe.
i hate when i get ideas in my mind that would be good to write down and develop more (into essays or rants) but i'm always in the wrong place and/or at the wrong time most of the times it happens - in the bathroom, while changing into my pajamas, while i'm eating, while i'm brushing my teeth, and sometimes at work, but at least there i get to scribble some things down on little bits of paper.
i'm always waiting for my next day off work to do things. to continues the cleaning up in my bedroom so i can take the laptop there and set up a little corner to write and stuff...
everyday i feel the need to write more and more in my journal to vent the sh*tloads of idiocy that happen at work... but i'm always too tired or too busy or out of time or... i'm reading somebody else's zine that just arrived in the mail this week. i feel good reading other people's stuff, many times i can identify with them or with some of the experiences they write about and it feels comforting. when i don't relate to it, it's another experience to learn about, to try to view the world and life from somebody else's perspective, and i like that. either way, it's a positive thing to read zines!
my job keeps draining my energy and the few good things i still have(?) inside of me; it leaves me numb but at the same time i'm fully aware of this, of the bad things it "gives" me and that's so contradictory, isn't it? what the hell has this to do with the zine stuff i just wrote before?, you're probably asking... it has a lot to do with zines, with my zine. it has a lot to do with wanting to make a zine, to "escape" my everyday mundane and frustrating job/life by distracting myself with some creative let out, as i've been feeling this need to create for months now. and unfortunately, my job it was keeps me from advancing into making the zine, because i lack the time i would like to have and many times the motivation to work some more, to force my eyes on yet another computer screen and my brain into solving problems with grammar and text construction and layout design etc etc.