(couldn't come up with a better post-title, sorry)
spent many parts of today working for my zine, which wasn't so bad because i usually just lurk around for visual inspiration and topics to develop essays in my mind. it could be better, i could be working in the zine, but hey, you can't have it all at once now, can you?
nothing i the mail for me today :-/ . but hold on my beating heart, in the next weeks i'll hopefully have at least one goodie in the mailbox per week, since i went on a online shopping spree for zines (hurray for Etsy!! hurray for PayPal!! hurray for zinesters at WMZ and everywhere else!!) these last days of my vacation...
after breakfast, i picked up some books i had tagged with colored post-its for cool stuff to scan and started at it. then i browsed some old schoolbooks, which i've found make for good collage and page-backgrounds resources along with illustrations and random blocks of text/typography. at least i'm actually learning something from seeing zines samples online and buy them like an addict.
i got some schoolbooks from the 50's and 60 from my parents, and my bothers' from the 70s. my books are not that "vintage" (hahaha), i only got stuff from the 80s and 90s, not so cool when it comes to images or diagrams, and full color leave little "image-manip potential" to my imagination.
all i needed now was a few more vacation days to get my arse off to the copy shop at the mall and print some stuff to test the copiers and start making some backgrounds for layout samples and collage stash. but i can't have any more days now, i'm ending my vacations tonight, sadly for me and for my computer, my biggest companion during these "hermit" days, i'm sure ´he´ is going to miss me much and so will i :-(´´´
yesterday i hardly ever thought about the "implications" of going back to work. but today, as the deadline came closer, i started feeling a bit anguished about it and a bit depressed too... i can't help feeling like that sometimes because as time goes by, i think more and more on the meaning of my job and how it's affecting my life. and when i say affecting, i mean it's in a bad way. but i can't quit my job can i? it's a long story, but i waited a long time until i got a "real" paying job and it would turn my life upside down if i quited now, specially this year because if the so-called crisis and blah blah blah.
so i just keep on at it, getting sucked into a void that keeps me away from my friends and my hobbies and time to take care of myself. how can someone balance the need of a job with feeling unhappy at it and at the path that that job keeps taking your life into?