and again, another day off work where nothing important was done, nothing productive... i can't find enough words to explain you how frustrating this feels to me!!
i'm beginning to think that this perzine thing will never work and i might as well just move on to another obsession for the next couple of months. it can still have to do with zines but then again, that way it won't make any sense to keep on buying zines from around the world, will it? really, i do think it's going to be really hard do ever come to finished this project of my Birdcage perzine. and sad to think how much i live the title and had been choosing pictures and lettering for the first cover, only to never see it happen.
and this almost make me feel like the purchase of my laptop will become a total waste of money... since i first started thinking about buying it to be able to write and have enough privacy doing that. just when you think it can't get any more frustrating...
my birthday is coming and deep inside i think i sense it and in a way it puts in a down mood. i can't explain why. or maybe i can but it just doesn't seem to make much sense (to other people) as to why my birthday makes me feel depressed. it will be my 31st birthday... it's hard to imagine that thirty one years have already passed and that i don't know how many more i still have in front of me. this way of saying it sounds really strange, doesn't it? i know.
it's just cause if 31 years passed this fast, and i still haven't accomplished nothing really big or of great matter to me (or to the world) in my life, then what will happen in the next years? will something change, will something really important happen? when will that life changing event happen, that epiphany that happens to so many other people and that makes them change or just changes itself and turns people's life's into happy and rewarding life's?
seems like all i've had in my life were life changing events for the worst, or epiphanies on how sad life is, how twisted and hopeless Mankind is, how we are destroying our Earth and all that apocalypse eco-political talk and stuff like that.
at the same time i've been writing this post, i'm having an msn chat with one of my best friends. and not surprisingly, our conversation ended up on my zine project. no epiphanies there, only the usual conclusion that if certain things are not happening/working, it's because its just my very own fault. so what else is new?